I Am Real

(poems go here) In the darkest of nights, I can feel myself slowly fading away. My thoughts overwhelm my good sense and a world of absurdity and grotesque imagination define the world before me. My demise is the only reason for life and it brings me to an ultimatum that forces me to choose between what I know to be right and what must be done. Though my heart is blackened and charred by the fires of Hell, I know the kind of unconditional love that humanity has failed to uncover. In a sense, I am pure; untouched by the hatred and ignorance of the world I share with other minds. However, I am confined to my own prison until such a day that I learn to acquire the strength necessary to release myself. In the honest light, it is plain to see that I am my own prison guard and executioner. I am my own death. In all my life I have never known the beauty of sanity for more than a handful of hours. The world that we share together has burned me and scarred my skin to where I am nothing but tortured tissue and mangled flesh. Inside my carcass, my soul is rotten and I can no longer identify myself with the innocent I once was. In my years of survival, I have evolved into a brilliant monster than can kill without so much as making physical contact with my victim, though I do not take pride in my abilities. I was formed to be death, to kill all you know and love within your own mind all in a matter of seconds. My fatal fault, one that is commonly overlooked, is my compassion towards any sign of love. I wonder often if I will ever forgive myself for the blood stained on my hands; if I will ever come to terms with the creature I am and the heart that beats so defiantly beneath it. You must understand that I never intended to become chaos and destruction. There was once a time when from my fingers and toes, I sprouted life, and from my mouth poured an undying love. As hard as I try now, my hope has weakened me, and I fear I will never be forgiven, but it is not my greatest fear. My greatest fear is that even after the event of my death, my mind will continue. There is nothing I fear greater than spending eternity in my own hell; in my own wretched world of distraught and pain. I long for oblivion; for emptiness that I will never be conscious of, but the deeds I have committed will keep me fully aware of everything at all times. In a way, it is my payment for succeeding over what destroyed so many before me; but how can I be to blame when it was the need to survive that pushed me so far? I can no longer consider myself human, no more am I a being of compassion and forgiveness, but a dark figure in the shadows of your greatest fears and most vivid nightmares, forever cursed to analyze and execute your demise. I want you to know ahead of time that I am sincerely and eternally apologetic. If I had a heart to give, it would be yours in an instant. I remember the beauty of love; such unfathomable love that no human heart nor mind could ever comprehend it. I know it to be true for I have witnessed it first hand, felt its grace pump through my veins and awaken a light in my soul I had believed was long since burned out. I have conceived such a remarkable perfection that the gods themselves envy me, and I have been damned to bothung the sheer memory of it. I am haunted by my yearn for compassion, but I no longer possess the key to unlock it. Though I now only feel a sense of numbness, when I witness your pain, it will crush me. I resent the very day I have to lure you to this inferno and require you to suffer in the ways I have. I would not wish this pain or emptiness upon anyone; but it is my sole duty to bring it to you. It is my greatest wish that you will one day take mercy upon me when it comes upon you to bring about my eternal damnation. However, I surely doubt that any pity should be taken upon me; for I will show you no sign of mercy when I come to collect your soul. You will beg me, you will attempt to bargain, but it will only make your end that much more painful and my job that much more vile. I disgust myself, and if I could reach inside my mouth and rip out all that I am and conceal the wickedness I possess within myself, tear apart all the evil and leave nothing behind to cause your suffering, I would. But even in my own world, I cannot create such a wonderful act. If you are lucky, all that I am will be forgotten, and the source of my love will return to me and remind me of what it is to create life once again. Until then, I am but a demon; a disease to spread my sickness to the purest of hearts and create an army that will destroy all that you value. I sincerely hope he returns to me because I have forgotten myself in his absence. In my most comforting dreams, this separation isn't killing only me; I am not suffering alone. I know better than to believe my sweetest wishes will come true, I have witnessed too much decay and rotted away too much of myself to repair this chaos. It is with a lump in my throat that I must inform you that despite my best efforts, I am no more a figment of your imagination than the blood coursing through your veins. And I can promise you with all the power in the heavens that I am coming for you. I am real.