i am sad

i just lost my best friend of 5 years

no one has ever been this sad

the overextending ever protruding depth of my sorrow can never be matched

no one can cry the tears for me

im not mad

i am a hole

i consume all the happiness i let myself experience 

when i finally accept a good thing it tells me that it loves me too much

and i don’t love you back

i consumed you

and now you have to leave

im sorry

im so so sorry that i am filled with sadness and not reciprocated love

i miss you

i miss you

i miss you

im sorry

i understand you cant see me

i understand you hurt

i don’t understand 

i don’t 

why did this happen 

was there something i could have done, shouldn’t have done?

should i have kept you at more of a distance? 

i would do anything to fix what we had

but it won’t ever come back

i consumed it

my great vast ocean of  a never ending empty overwhelming pit of my own gut wrenching, heart slashing sadness 

ate our friendship

love,

me,

your sad no longer best friend