I am Self-Doubt

Dark skies turn day to night.

Fat droplets tumble from angry skies.

The future all of a sudden feels so vast, outcomes that start right here. Right now.

Decisions that can make or break you.

Thrilling, daunting.

*STORM WATCH ALERT*

“Thunderstorm watch until 8pm tonight. Heavy rainfall. Visibility low.

High risk of hydroplaning. Please stay cautious on the roads and reduce speeds.”

The familiar swish-swish of the windshield wipers drowns out the chaotic pounding of rain.

Rain droplet races on windowpanes entertain me as we drive.

Your attentive, calculated gaze stays fixed on the road in front of you, but the rain does not slow you down.

Skies show no mercy as we park and race to the entrance of your favorite hardware store.

Lights flicker as we search through the dizzying amounts of nuts and bolts to find exactly what we need.

Your movements are calculated and confident, mine far from that.

I am all of a sudden struck by how much I still feel like that little girl who needs to hold your hand and have most decisions made for her.

Time has seemed to move on without me, and the fact that I will soon be on my own without you to fall back on scares the living shit out of me.

It’s this feeling that I have yet to overcome.