I Am A Statistic

I am a statistic.

That one out of four who developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I am the one who never paid attention to the numbers,

the girl who passed through life like everyone else.

Never before did I give the numbers a second glance until I became that one...

that one out of four who was sexually harassed,

that one out of four who was verbally torn down,

that one out of four who was reduced to nothing.

I am a statistic.

I am the one who could never look in a mirror and see anything beautiful about myself.

I hear I’m worth something, but I feel like I deserve to die.

I am a statistic.

Not everyone develops PTSD,

not everyone suffers the same fate,

not everyone becomes a statistic...

but I did.

My mind has become corrupted by the disorder,

they call it unhealthy thinking,

I call it normal.

Because when I see the cuts on my skin I think I deserve it.

When I get bullied I think it's because I need it.

When I’m called dirty names, I believe it.

Sometimes I have flash backs to the abuse,

to the man who told me he would protect me.

It becomes to much so I scream,

but they silence me not understanding...

statistics scream,

because they want someone to hear their story,

they want them to understand they are more then a number.

I never asked for this,

I never asked for my innocents to be stolen,

I never asked to live my life thinking I could never be loved,

I never asked to feel unworthy of happiness,

I never asked to have nightmares every night of what happened,

I never asked to become a statistic.

But I am so much more then a statistic...

I am broken,

suffering,

desperate,

alone,

hurt,

The Victim of an abusive relationship.

I never gave the numbers a second glance,

until I became apart of them.

Every 'one' has their story,

every statistic a cry to be heard.

Will you listen?

Give us a second glance,

we may be broken and ugly,

but it isn't our fault...

we just want someone to love us,

even though we feel unworthy of such a thing.

I am a victim of PTSD,

this is my story.

It might not be a happy story,

but it's a true story.

One that has to be shared.

Because if others stop and think about the statistics,

they might save others from becoming them.

I am a statistic.