I am Tangled

I am Tangled.

I use to be tied to a single strand of  happiness, I was so innocent and naive.

I was short like the bits of string that hang the christmas ornaments to my families tree each year. When I was 7 I  came across a ribbon of joy, It was given to me at the playground when I met my first friend, She gave it to me to tie my hair out of my face so i could play on the swings without my hair blowing into my eyes. That ribbon of joy was great for a while, but I didn't know that there was more than one end to that ribbon, and I didn't know it was tied to  someone other than her until it was snipped , with a pair of safety scissors.

My ribbon of joy still exists but grows shorter every day. I  was 13 when I started to notice the strands that hung from me, My joy, my confusion, my love . They stuck out randomly and got caught on things like desks at school or in doors when i closed them behind me at home.. While the strands connected me to my friends and family they also got intertwined with other strands. I began to get twisted up with insecurities and depression, they felt like spider webs on my skin, and no matter how much I fought It the feeling wouldn't get off of my skin.

I was 15 when I got knotted up with anxiety, It felt like a boa was winding itself around me and closing me off from others.  I was so knotted up I barely noticed the scissors that were lying on my kitchen table.

I began to cut myself away from depression, anxiety and my insecurities.While I couldn't find all the strands of distress that led to me, I have managed to cut myself free from most of it. I am no longer an endless ball of twine .I am a knot made of strands of fervor, grief, sentiment, devotion and so much more. I am like a wad of cotton, or a girls hair after riding down a mountain on horseback. The strands that use to devour me are no longer here.

While I still have my love, my passion, my joy and my confusion. and so many more....

I control them.  

I am Tanlged