I am tired

Why?

Why am I always waiting yet feel like I'm falling behind?

Wishing the world would slow down and speed up at the same time?

Not caring what the world chooses to think of me

While focusing on whether or not I'm breathing correctly?

I am camoflaugued against the wall in the center of attention

A causer of conflict who's afraid of all tension

Preaching that everyone matters with me as the exception

Begging for love while resisting all affection

My mind is at war trying to decide

Whether to stop living this life or to struggle to survive

Because the world obliviously micro-analyzes me

While classifying my feelings as ordinary

But is it normal to want to die at nine

Because you already know you can't make it past twenty-five?

Is it normal to constantly mutilate yourself?

Pulled out hair, scratch marks, hidden scars screaming help

I hate myself to the point where no stranger can insult me

Because I already know I'm worse than anything they could call me

I'm a waste of space, invisible, full of problems

Trying to get better by asking  a stranger how to solve them

Oh, and the pills, I can't forget the pills

The constantly changing prescription of pills

The stimulant-and-depressant-to-somehow-fix-her-brain pills

The side-effects-are-more-prominent-than-what-she's-suppose-to-gain pills

Cause I can't be normal without twitching and mood swings,

And sensitivity to light,

Always looking for a fight,

A diminished appetite

And I know everyone else has their own problems too

I'm not struggling more than any of you

I'm just so sick of fighting a losing battle

If the end's always the same, how I get there shouldn't matter

I'm impatiently waiting for every minute to pass

Every hour

Every week

Every year till my last

And in all honesty, I am tired.