I AM TIRED

I’m tired

I’m tired and no when I say I’m tired it is not, awe poor thing you did not get enough sleep last night must be nap time little 18-year-old girl

No

I’m tired

The real deep, emotional, physical, mental and psychological exhaustion

You are still young you should not be tired, the bigoted old man says to me as I shake my head and smile knowing he’s part of the reason why

I’m tired

I’m tired you see from the sheer stupidity my culture, my society, my country holds.

I’m tired

Lets go back

I’m tired

To my elementary days, to me so far away to you maybe much closer

Lets guess 10 years back at this point

I’m tired

No wait 10 years ago I was not tired I was full of life, energy, happiness, joy, and hope

I was not tired

10 years ago I was learning in the most basic and brief sense about my country about my culture and I was proud and hopeful

You see when you’re 10 they don’t tell you all FUCKED up stuff we did to get here

When you’re 10 they don’t tell you all the FUCKED up stuff those who are currently supposed to help you do stay in power

over you

As I grew older I grew tired

Tired

Tired

Tired

Knowing how our government really was…… IS  sickened me I couldn’t believe it

Tired

The idea that the blood spilt, the lies told, the lives ruined were all just accidental casualties

WAIT

No

Not “accidental”

Not “casualties”

A consolation prize

As cynical as this may sound in my head I picture rich exclusive old white men meeting

chumming it up talking about all the disgusting, vile, cruel, demeaning things they did to us that week, right under our noses and made more money off it for themselves

I am tired

You are 18 years old you should not feel tired the man says after asking me “how about a smile?”

No sir my I’m tired is just an excuse so that you will leave me alone

My “I’m tired” is a shield hoping that you will take just one step back so that there’s breathing room

My “I’m tired” is SINCERE

I

AM

TIRED

Of all the BULL SHIT you “MEN” give me and my sister and my mother and gave to my grandmothers and will hopefully never give my nieces, and I pray to all the gods that you did not raise your sons like this…

Even though I know you did because they are the ones that cat call me on the street despite what I am wearing,

They are the ones that slap my ass and get confused when I slap them back,

They are the ones that don’t understand the feminist movement even though they are part if this generation,

They are the ones that say “get over it” when a girl was touched inappropriate in a school or in a place where there was 100% a way to stop it,

They are the ones that blame the victim of a rape and sit in the court room routing for the rapist.

Yes sir I am 18 but I look much younger and I am scared to imagine what you would do to my little sister and other girls younger than I,

those who may not know they can ask for help, those who are scared, silent, and beat down because you batter them

Physical no

Or maybe

You crush their bodies, minds, and souls.

And yet we’re the criminals when we decide to stand up for ourselves

I AM FUCKING TIRED

But I WILL NOT GIVE UP

I WILL NOT SURRENDER

For me I am one of only a few who are willing to stand up for what’s right and if I won’t who will?

I will not leave it to the next person.

Maybe one day someone will come share my burden but for now I will fight on, for those who can’t fight, for those who don’t know any better, and for those who need a beacon of light