I am whole without you.

You muttered that you loved me, half asleep.

You were different, I was convinced. Between wrinkled sheets and cold feet, you held on to me.

My mind would dance and sing along to your tune,

“I feel safe, I feel at pure bliss, I could not imagine this moment with anyone else”.

My phone did not miss a beat from your texts, like clockwork.

I was under your radar, having me constantly send my location.

“He cares about me, he loves me and wants to make sure that I’m safe”

At what point did I realize he had crossed the line between possessiveness and love?

Between toxicity and wholesomeness?

Between honesty and deceit?

Was it when he would accuse me of cheating?

when he would look through my phone?

when he had an affair yet played the victim?

I fell into for this loop of poison.

Drowning myself into it. I was diving deeper and expected to be able to breathe.

I love you; have you eaten yet?

I love you; drive safely.

I love you; remind yourself that you’re worthy and beautiful.

I love you; it’s okay to express your emotions.

I love you; You are deserving of genuine love.

These words I repeat, tuned my thought processes to a different state of mind

I love myself. I am taking care of myself. I do not regret this journey.

The term “significant other” implies that I am not whole without someone. I need to be whole  and in love with myself first and foremost before sharing such a divine experience with someone else.