I Am Words

January 7, 2014

They stumble and fumble and fall from my mouth,

Tumble and bumble around in my mind,

Words.

I know them and love them and use them too much because

I've somehow come to believe that words are all I have.

Without words, there is not me,

because I have become my words.

The ones I speak and the thoughts I think have become who I am.

And far too often than I'd like to recall, I say too much.

But words are forever once they fall.

Once, I said nothing of me, nothing that was me, foever hiding behind the quiet girl facade so that I was let be.

But I learned that sometimes words had to be spoken because being known was worth the risk of being broken.

The words in my mind aligned into thoughts and ideas that I caught and processed and I fought my way toward truths.

Then I spoke and I wrote and words sprang from within, out loud, on paper, into 140 character snippets.

A way to color opinions,

A wall to protect myself,

A small amount of power when I am powerless.

And now

I fear the absence of words.

I fear the nakedness and raw emotion that comes with silence,

I fear that if I don't keep speaking I won't be understood or heard.

Even by myself.

Yes, even within my own mind, they swirl around, jumbled and bumbled,

So that when I don't say a word, I am still speaking endlessly.

It's interesting; I don't say a bunch.

Not to people.

And yet I always seem to say too much because I fear not saying enough.

But at some point,

the words

must

stop.

And I must be able to be me.

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