{i am yours no more}

I hope you are well.

I suspect that your friends are somewhere

laughing,

and that you are trying to laugh along.

I suspect that you are doing

better than I am,

you usually are.

I usually try.

I try to make peace with the situation,

I try to love myself and

to not grow

bitter

and even more so

with each passing moment of 

loneliness.

It snowed today.

It reminded me of 

us,

and that time when

we danced to

Christmas music in the 

lights and felt love bubble up inside us.

I remembered that time when you'd written me

a letter,

just like this one,

and I sat by the window and

watched the 

quiet world become

lost

in a blanket of snow.

With each word I read on the pages,

I fell more deeply in love.

I still have that letter.

Maybe that's part of the problem;

I hold onto you.

I hold onto your love, 

your life,

your light,

I hold your

love letter

in my hand,

as I write this one.

The only difference is that yours was a first;

Mine is a last.

It's not a first kiss,

not a first real love situation,

it's a kiss goodbye.

It's a longing for your presence,

something I realize 

I took it

for granted.

Your life,

your presence,

your entire being,

is a warm hug,

a hug that I needed.

You warmed my cold heart,

I'll never forget that.

And while I wish I could write you

and tell you how much

I still love you

but while I wish,

I wish,

I could write you a letter that is a first,

This one is a last.