I Can't Turn It Off

There it is again.

It happens all the time.

Everyday. Everynight. Every hour. Every minute.

Every second.

It rushes to my head, and I can feel despair all over again.

Why is this happening?

Why can't I escape this?

I feel despair.

I look into the eyes of my friends.

They're going to die.

I look into the eyes of my family.

They're going to die.

I don't want to think like this, but I can't help feeling sad after feeling this much happy

This is all going to end one day, I think to myself. 

I don't want to lose the people I love.

I don't want these great moments to go. 

I want to stop feeling despair.

I know these feelings will vanish when my thought process changes.

I know these feelings will change when I stop thinking of the potential pain.

I want to be free.

Living in the now.

Death is coming for all, but I must live in the now.