As I Close My Eyes

As I close my eyes to sleep,

I see your face.

Your brown doe eyes 

And the smile that lights up the room

You put your arm around me

And tell me everything is gonna be ok,

Then you vanish.

I awaken only realize it's not just a dream.

You're gone from the bed.

The warmth from where you laid,

Is now just an icy memory.

The sickness ensues once more.

The gut wrenching pain that

makes me hate myself for letting you leave.

I try to blame you ,but it's my own fault.

I never did anything to keep you,

So why should I be hurt that you left?

I feel the knife enter my heart and

begin entering and exiting with furious motion.

The bottle is the only thing

that can numb me now from the pain I feel.

Whether that be pills or alcohol,

It doesn't really matter anymore.

I just want you one more time.

One more chance to be the man you see 

and know I can be.

But it will never come, 

So I will continue living the way I live

Until the fateful day,

I draw my last breath. 

Then I will find relief from this brokenness.