I Confessed

“Send it! Send it!” said she as I stared down at the dimly lit screen

“I don’t know if I should” my hands shaking nervously

“You’ve waited three years already” she continued with her face full of worry

“I know” I said reassuringly

“but- he has a girlfriend already”

“I know but now’s as good a time as any”

I listened intently, for she is my mother; she must know what she is saying

I continued to linger for just a while longer

“I don’t want to lose him or take things any farther”

She continued: “Telling him now won’t cause any more harm to the future”

“But telling him now will cause our friendship to fracture-”

I looked back up and stared into the distance

How did this issue come into existence?

It was the daydreaming

It was the timing

It was all those nights I spent crying

Instead of admitting how I felt

I didn’t have the wall against fear built

There I was sitting on the car seat in retrospection

Knowing instead that I spent time building fear of rejection

Now I sit here about to hit send

Knowing the timing wasn’t correct

Hoping our friendship doesn’t end

Hoping we can still be “friends”