I Cried

Last night, I cried for the life I can't have. 

I cried because of an absent-minded decision I made 5 years ago;

Believe me, I don't regret it. I'm just saying...

I wasn't thinking about how that would affect the rest of my life.

That every decision that's made would be made with you, 

that with every step I take forward, you would pull me back another step.

I cried last night because I love you-- and because I hate you. 

I cried because I am not me. I am who you and everyone else wants me to be. 

I cried last night because I realized that if life were a movie, 

I would be the character in someone else's story.

There would be no need to make my own story-- Where's the interest?

Where's the spark that makes the movie worth watching?

It's not there. 

Last night, I cried because I hate myself. And no one can fix it. 

Not that anyone would want to anyway. 

But Today...

Today I am not searching to find my own story. 

I am not thinking of decisons to be made. 

Today, I am finding peace in my piece of shit life. 

I will not cry today. I will make it through another day.