I Don't Know

There’s a lot I don’t know.
For instance,
I never know what I want to order
Before I go eat.
Even when I usually end up getting
What I got the last time.
I know what I want out of life,
Yet I’m not sure how I’ll get there.
I didn’t know there were words
For a lot of the things I feel.
I don’t know if I mean the things
I say
Or if I say them because they mean
Something to you.
I have an idea of the things I like.
The things I don’t like.
The kind of people I enjoy
Being around.
But there’s this voice in my head.
Almost another person
But still me.
It causes me most of my doubt.
It asks questions like
“Are you doing this because you’re a
Good person?
Or because you’ll be praised for
Being a good person?”
And that question sticks with me
Because it makes me question 
My own genuity.
You’re never really who you are 
To anyone except yourself.
Perspective is inescapable.
From other eyes,
You will only ever be who you are
In relation to them.
And this is why I question my own
Character.
There’s a reason it’s easy to
Sing in the shower.
Why you can dance
Alone in your room,
Even though you can’t dance.
It’s easier to be you when no one
Is watching.
Because when people are watching
Fear comes into the mix.
And often times,
Because you fear being judged,
You begin judging yourself.
That comfortability I find
When I’m by myself
Is the comfortability I want when I’m
Around others.
Not just comfort with where I am,
But who I am wherever I go.
An acceptance of everything I am.
Not the things I love about myself
But the things I’m working to love.
An acknowledgment of my current flaws,
But a hopefulness to one day
Move on from them.
That’s the kind of comfort I find
When I’m alone.
So I’ve been trying to figure out
How to be when I go outside.
So that nothing is something I do
But anything I do is everything I am.
And to do that I have to first be
Comfortable in myself.
I have to be honest.
I have to not only spend time by
Myself
But with
Myself.
Productively.
Actively learning 
Self-acceptance.
Self-love.
Self-everything.
I need to do for 
Myself.
What I’m more willing to do for
Others.
I’m trying to do that now.
This part of my life,
Right here
Is called finding comfort.