I Don't Know What I'm Feeling

It’s around 8:30

I’m guzzling soda like beer

My room is kind of dirty

But I forgot to care

It’s been hard to care lately

About everything

Anything

At school I’m fine

But when I’m alone it gets worse

Nothing is entertaining

I kinda wanna curse

I need more freedoms

At least I hope that’s all it is

I’m too caught up

In this ‘responsibility’ shiz

Crying comes too easy

Why do I even feel sad

“You don’t have a reason to be sad”

At least that’s what she said

I know it’s true but I can’t help it

Staying up passed curfew

But it isn’t for fun

It’s not like I don’t want to sleep

But even when I can it’s never enough

I imagine my face

Bags under my eyes

And an empty space

Where my smile usually lies

But it’s only because I need more freedom

At least I hope that’s what it is

Please let that be all it is

She isn’t listening to my worries

She brushes them aside

So I put on a smile

And I forget it for a while

But when I’m alone it comes back

Like a friend you can’t escape

I just need more freedoms

I think that might be a lie