I Don't Know What To Tell You, Mother

There are many times in a day

When you as me to speak, to talk.

But each time I never know what to say

Standing in dumbfound silence before I walk

Away to hide and go on without sharing my voice,

Remaining quiet as I search my mind

To find the reason I had for my choice

But I never tell you what I find.

It’s hard to find the will,

And to do work before fun,

But for all the work I’ve done still,

Your comments make my efforts feel un-done.

Thirty scholarships so far,

Easily the most done in local schools,

You’ve seen me doing them even in the car

And yet you think I don’t read the rules.

You tell me to look for details

I tell you that I do.

You act like I don’t know what a scholarship entails.

I tell you I read each one through and through.

Not once have you ever said

“I’m impressed, you’re doing good”

To you, I’ve never read

The fine print like I should.

I have a list of reasons why

I did not do the one you

Told me to do, though I try

To speak, I find that too

Many times, no sound comes out

Only mumbles leave my throat,

I fumble like a dying trout

That has lays trapped in a boat.

The spoken word is my foe,

It weakens my heart,

It fills our relationship with woe,

As I fail to escape the part

When you make me feel small

Because I don’t know what to say

And deeper into the pit do I fall,

And allow my troubles to stay.

Now that I have gathered my words,

And shied away from your sight,

Compiled my work into herds,

In the fleeting day light

I cast away my thought

So that you may never see.

I cry silent tears over the times we fought,

Drowning myself in my own hypocrisy.