I Fear

Like most, I fear many things

I fear bugs, I fear being late for class, I fear getting lost on the subway, I fear extraneous heights, I fear pain - even the littlest amount

But I also fear the dark. I fear rejection. I fear isolation. I fear death. I fear the uncertain; the things I cannot control, the things I cannot predict.

Despite all these fears I’ve named, that one would assume I struggle most with, there is one fear in particular that has held me back for a long time - far too long.

For some time I invalidated this fear - pushed it aside

I feared it in silence, refusing to acknowledge that it was in fact a fear

I refused to acknowledge that this fear held me back. I refused to acknowledge that I could not truly grow until I let go of this fear.

To this day, I still have an inkling of this fear in me

“What will they think?” “How will they react?” I think to myself countless times a day

Yet while my fear still resides deep within me, I have grown.

I have grown to trust - to trust those I love with the secret that is my fear.

It has now been years. Six years and my worst fear has become my best motivator.

Six years and I have a new insight on the world.

Six years and I finally have a sense of self and value.

Six years and I now thank my fear for being a part of the creation of the person that I am today.

Six years and while I still bear some fear, I know I will overcome it - that I am strong enough.

Six years and I have learned to accept this fear - this part of me that I now love.

Six years and I am learning to no longer fear saying that I am bisexual.

Six years and I am finally one with my fear.