I Feel as if

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I feel as if, if I let a tear drop my body would erratically shatter. To bite the bitterness away with coldness. To repress the said with utter and complete numbness. To shiver away the sense of alone. To drift off and never return. To disappear and be content. All at once. To escape this mental harness. Retreating into the only place I know; my head. Within myself and with only myself. Away from people and loved ones. The ones who so solemnly turn their heads and shrug. To protrude my very being with harsh harmful words. They say you don’t know what words can do but they know very dearly. Yet they allow themselves to proceed. Knowing and willing; deserving I must be. The awakening shock factor as I am so fiercely shaken into reality. This rushing memories as a child of such tortured tails so deviantely similar. Embarrassment and disgust radiate throughout my tempered body. Touching every vein and cell that is present. Bombarding my head and taking my thoughts captive. My heart an empty platter. Being served to the wolves of desert-ment.  To dispense confinement, inward out. Left lifeless and skewed amongst the unknown. Repetition now plays its toll. Clocking in and smirking endlessly. Destroying any ‘me’ left and taking it away each breathe. Even by loved ones. Those ones aren’t there anymore. Sent off to walk, foot by foot, cradling ones-self. Flashing back to the unspeakable; the end is near.

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