I get scared

I get scared. 

I am scared. 

There used to be something so strong, so powerful. I say one wrong thing and it’s just… gone? Am I really the underlying fault right now? I can’t hold your attention. You don’t want to be near me. I can’t hold onto you anymore. I get so alone, so caught up in the beautiful lies and don’t see the hideous truth that’s really there. Was it always there or am I just seeing it? I’m not stable. I’m breaking down all of the fucking time and I hate myself for it. I looking so fucking desperate and I’m just… stuck. 

You said I mean so much to you. I’m scared I’m the one who’s going to break it. 

You call me beautiful but maybe it’s ugly how much I’m falling apart. 

I can’t help myself. I’m relying on people and I’m the one scaring them away. I’m the one breaking something that was so good, so pure… for the need to be right? For what? 

I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t… I can’t do it anymore. I can’t burden you. 

I get scared. 

And yet… here you are on my mind. 

And here I am safe with you…