i guess i knew

i guess i knew i would shatter 

if i let myself fall for you as hard as i did.

but i did not expect microscopic shards of myself

to fly through the atmosphere and land miles apart.

i didn't\ expect to not be intact anymore. 

i guess i knew you'd burn my skin

when i touched you for the first time.

but i did not think id be set on fire 

reduced to ashes 

when the feeling of you was absent.

i guess i knew you didn't mean it

when you held me and said you loved me that night.

but i thought you at least saw me as a friend

as someone you wanted to keep around forever, just like you said

i didn't even consider the fact that you could've been using me

that i was just time filler, not a person...

but now i am sitting here wearing your shirt

and everything is reminding me of you

and black shadows in my room morph into your silhouette

and i miss you so god damn much

and i cant decide which is more intense; 

the pain of missing you

of the pain of knowing you don't miss me