I Guess I'm Not Living Anymore

"I love you Grandma!" I said hugging her knees

Little me knew her value even then

Her warm hugs

Her white hair

Her eyes that squinted when she smiled

That nose that every Ramsay shares

I have that  same smile

I have those same brown eyes

I wear that nose proudly now thought I didn't always

I wonder if my hair will turn white like hers did so early

"What would I do without you Grandma." I said as I laid in bed

She was a nurse and knew just how to make me better

My dad got no sick days as a kid

She took care of everyone

My Great Grandmother when she was dying

My aunt before the car crash and the brain tumor

My mom and dad

My sister and me

"You're a life saver Grandma" I said as I closed the door and ran to class

She drove me to acting 

She always supported me

She never missed a show

Until that cold January

"What will I do without you Grandma." I cired when I found out

We didn't have much time left until she wouldn't be around.

The cancer was taking over after three long years

I still remember what I cired while blinded by my tears

"He doesn't need another angel! I need her more down here.

God can live without her! I can't if she's not here!

What's the use of praying when He won't listen to my plea?!

I curse the one responsible for taking her from me!

Where are the miracles I heard about that push away death's door?

If anyone deserves it I know it would be her!"

"I can't live without you Grandma!" I cried those next hundred nights

It seemed like such an impossible fight

A part of me was missing

I felt empty inside

Everything was grey

And it hurt seeing my face in the mirror every day

Her's, but not 

I miss you so much Grandma, but I know you understand

I found a way to live again

I'll keep my promise and make you proud

You wouldn't have it any other way.

I can't live without you Grandma, that much is true

But you'll always be here with me

And with that, I'll make do.