I have been loved

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I.

I have been loved
By a boy who made me feel like a queen.
He ran his fingers through my hair and made me feel that
The world could be fair and I would live my life and be gloriously free, so long as he was with me.
But, time passed—the clouds of a summer day transformed into stars on a winter night,
And it was only a small amount of time, before I realized
 that my self-worth Couldn’t be seen in his eyes.
I have lost a boy who told me that if I didn’t love myself
He couldn’t love me, this was the boy who treated me like a Queen,
But that did not stop him from leaving me shivering beneath the sheets that we used to lie beneath and dream our lives away.
Of course, since this boy left me—all my dreams of living freely vanished completely.  
So I burned the sheets he left me with, and I burned his memory along with them.
How dare you tell me you cannot love me unless I love myself,
And then rip any amount of worth I have inside--
My self-worth is not something to be Objectified.

 

II.

I have been loved
By a friend, who has shown me –
through gas station coffee and talks on the way to swim meets--
That happiness has no definite end.
She has listened, she has talked.
She has learned, and she has taught.
But most importantly, she has shown me that the key to being happy
Is not found in someone’s bed,
It is not found in someone else’s head--
Rather, it is found within your own breast.
She has taught me that to be happy, you should not—no you can not --
Judge yourself through the opinions of others.
I have been taught by a 13 year old girl
That happiness is not a hill or wave, it is not a crest.
happiness is the smooth ripple of the first swimmer in the pool
at 8 am on a Saturday morning.
Happiness is knowing that you mean enough to someone to remember your favorite coffee.
Happiness is slowly realizing that you do not need to be treated like a queen,
To live your life and be free.

III.

I have been loved
By a 213 page long novel, with the cover a pretty green--
It tells of good friends, stories and times in high school,
That many pretend they have not seen.
And for years, this book resides on the table next to my bed;
It’s a constant escape from the thoughts
Rattling inside my head.
The book has taught me that friends, like happiness, are not
Things to be bought, but rather they are things to be
Sought out by the bleeding hearts of those who need them the most.
A heart who is deserving, of a friend who remembers that
Gas stations may be disgusting,
But the French Vanilla coffee there
Is your favorite.

IV.


I have been loved
By a Mother.
A woman, beautiful, kind and stronger than any other--
Proven by the time her daughter approached her and confessed
That she could not stand to look in the mirror,
For the sight of what stood before her filled her with dread.
This Child’s reflection was her greatest torture.
Her Child’s words should have been what killed her,
But the bleeding heart of the Mother--
eyes and soul pain-filled that her child did not love what She herself created
Still
Wrapped her little girl up in her arms, like she had so many times before
And cooed the words,
“I think you’re perfect.”

V.

I have been loathed
By a child,
Who couldn’t stand to look in a mirror for a while.
A girl who let her insecurities secure themselves
to her soul.
Her flaws became all she saw, Although her Pride
Fought tooth and claw—her body and mind in a constant state of
War.  For many years, the child had no idea what they were even
fighting for. But after a while, the girl could final smile,
---And I can finally say;

VI.

I have been loved--
By myself.

Left my insecurities on a shelf. I hope you can see, that I just need to breathe
when I cannot love what makes me, me.
Give me a moment, give me an hour,
Now because of all I know, My confidence has grown,
And I can clearly see I love who I am --
   imperfect, flawless, queen --
          M E.

 

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