I just want to get better

I just want to get better

I think to myself

As I scream into my sweater

My mind shouts

I want to GET BETTER

I want everything out

Out of my head

Out of my sight

I’m trying really hard to see the light

I just want to get better

But it is not easy

Late at night, I lay awake in my bed

With so much inside my head

I search for sleep

I think deep

I weep

And I am angry

No furious!!

When will things get better, I am curious!!

Mornings come and go

But nights don’t seem to flow

Memories replay inside my head very very slow

It’s not my fault

It’s not yours either

And so I pray

I pray

I pray for God to lay

Right beside me

Hold me in your arms

Protect me from any harm

Oh God Push the alarm

I’m in danger!

They wonder, what has changed her?

I’m still ME

I shout

I’m just having a hard time letting it all out

BUT I’M STILL ME

Can’t you see

Under all the dark circles under my eyes

I still read books, I’m so wise

I’m still talking

I’m still laughing

Nothings wrong

Do not characterize

I WILL get better.

I don’t want your labels

I’m not a crazy person

I just have bad days

Just like you

I sometimes feel blue

But I will get better

I have to

Distractions are a must as I maneuver through

But nothing seems to be enough

Because no matter what I feel handcuffed

To my thoughts

I’m just trying to connect all the dots

Where- no when, did it all go wrong

Before or after you said I did not belong

The only time that I am visible is when I am happy

But what happens when I am snappy?

What happens when my happiness declines

Just think positive- that is the world’s favorite guideline

I’ve become desperate

I want to get BETTER!

Not for you, not for society

But to be in control of my own anxiety

And so I try and try

I recognize all of the elements that make me cry

I search up positive quotes

Write them down on sticky notes

YOU CAN DO IT

YOU BELONG

YOU MATTER

OVERTHINKING SOLVES nothing...

I buy books

Not just for looks

But to help me organize my thoughts

and...ahhh

I can breathe again

But these thoughts are not foreign

Perhaps I shift my frame

The results will not remain the same

I am getting better

Break downs do not define me

I will continue to fight to be free

Mental health stability

Is essential

But bad days can be influential

Bad days are not the end

They do not conclude you

Tomorrow is a new day

I promise you will be okay

We are getting better each and every day