I Just Want to Live

I just want to live: 

experience wonder

like opening my eyes for the first time. 

Trail across sky, 

as unconfined as a bluejay. 

But worry fills me with lead

My thoughts paralyze me; I can't breathe!

I’m over my head, it kills me

to mull over

fear

doubt-

disbelieve

in myself- my future:

where will I be

in 5 years? 10?

By that time,

will I be happy?

You ask me how I'm doing;

"I'm good" I reply

but my face says otherwise!

These little white lies

are not for you but for me. 

Every day I see faces like mine;

their eyes call out

"Hope is a dying flame, 

shattered is my strength, forgotten are my dreams."

I just want to live: 

feel at peace, love daringly,

see the beauty in everything-

but who am I to be that way?

I'm hanging on by the thinnest membrane;

a golden ribbon hangs

just outside of my reach.