I Knew But Now I Know

I knew before that day that I didn't just like boys

I had decided I identified as Pansexual two years before that day

I just hadn’t gotten the courage to tell my mom

I didn’t know how to tell her

I knew she would be upset

I got the courage to tell her that I had a girlfriend that morning

I was so excited to finally tell her

I didn’t expect her to scream and get so angry

I knew I had messed up

I regretted saying yes to my now ex-girlfriend

I cried all day at school

I wanted to die or disappear at least

I knew things would never be the same

I cried when she refused to speak to me

I cried when I cleaned up my room she trashed

I cried when she threatened to kick me out into the cold

I knew that she loved me and maybe it was her way of showing it

I just didn’t understand why she could do this

I didn’t mean to upset her

I just wanted to date a really beautiful and sweet girl

I knew that I was a good person

I knew that it’s okay to love girls even if you are a girl

I knew that I would never love her the same

I knew that day would never happen again

I know the four years that have passed did shape me into a stronger person

I know will never put someone down because they are not the same as me

I know that I am very different than my family and lots of other people

I know that I may still have growing up to but I already glowed-up