I Know, But...

I know you're there for me.

I know that if I were to end it now, you would be heartbroken.

I know that "it gets better".

I know that I would be selfish if I were to go through with it.

I know that if I ever feel this way, I should talk to you, a friend, a teacher, a stranger, anyone.

I know that..

But..

Sometimes I can't help but think like this.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I take the medication, I try to distract my mind from peeking into that dark place in the recesses of my mind.

But it seems like I have Tourette's. I can't help it, I need to think it just to remember what it feels like.

And then I regret doing so.

It dissipates slowly, like a thick fog, but only just enough that I can find my way on the path to..something familiar. A land mark, a safe house, something. Something worth continuing on.

Standing in one spot, waiting for help to come to you, that is not an option. It will only end up with me never being found. 

So I keep moving and hope desperately that I can finally make it out of this haze and be...satisfied.