I Loved Him

He called me Baby,

said that I was beautiful.

That I was smart.

strong.

That he loved me.

So I was in love,

and would remain that way regardless.

Regardless of every time he bailed,

hid things from me.

Regardless of when I saw red flags.

And oh, were there red flags.

They first started when we made plans.

When we made plans and he would cancel,

“My friends just came over, Baby.”

Ok, next time then?

“Yeah, sure, I gotta go.”

When I felt abandoned,

and he refused to listen.

“I’m busy, you know I am.

Don’t be so annoying.”

I’m sorry, I just miss you,

we never talk anymore.

“We talk enough. Why can’t you just

get over it?”

When he brought up my past

to laugh at me.

“Gode, you where such a whore,

weren’t you?”

Please stop. You know

I don’t like talking about that.

“Why not? It’s what you were,

probably still are.”

When I would write him letters,

pouring out my heart.

“I really don’t want to read that

right now.”

Oh, um, ok.

Later?

It would mean a lot.

“Probably not. Your handwriting

is terrible and I hate reading.”

I took in every

insult.

Every blow.

As long as he was pitching,

I was trying to catch.

But I’ve never been good

at sports.

What we lacked was

Communication,

Commitment,

Respect,

Forgiveness.

Just as much as he pushed me,

I pushed him.

We ignored each other’s wants,

needs.

Our love was sick.

So very,

very sick.