I need to Write

I need to write.

Because sometimes life makes me wanna’ scream and cry at the top of my lungs and

Paint words into the sky, and maybe the wind will carry my voice to someone who wants to hear.

God’s tired of looking down at the caller I.D and seeing my name

I need to write.

Because the scraps of paper I find, the composition books that I use,

Broken pencils and papermate pens only tell me the truth.

No comments, no lies, just the things that I already knew.

I need to write.

Because then I’ll never have to worry about being disappointed by an individual

Because they don’t understand my lyrical point of view

P.O.V omniscient

Because I already know what’s going to happen

I’m going to reach out my hands and you’re gonna’ grab them

I’m gonna’ tell you “I need help”, they’re gonna ask why

Then you’re gonna’ let go.

And even if I were an angel falling out of heaven not even god would hear my thump!

Loud like a crack through the earth

Just like how sometimes,

If I listen closely,

I can hear my heart crack

Let me know if you’ve found the pieces.

“Baby girl, do you wanna’ go see a counselor? Maybe a doctor? A psychologist? No, I know a psychiatrist!”

I’m not a experiment!!

I’m not a disease!

But even if I were, which one of those people could possible provide me with a cure?

What diagnosis do you need to give?

Go ahead and write down on your little notepad the things that you think I’m feeling.

Prescribe me medicines like Effexor XR, Vicodin

You got anything that can light up my soul, show me happiness?

No, I’m not talking about something like Viagra,

I’m talking about something that gives me feeling cause my skin is numb!

Wake me up inside, because I feel like someone’s overdosed me with an anesthetic

And every day since day one has been a headache!

Parents’ divorce, remarriage, abuse, divorce, money struggles, bankruptcy

We need this, that, those to survive

But how do I even have a chance at survival when I don’t even feel alive?

Somebody revive me, remove my pain!

You wanna’ know the difference between my little notepad and yours?

Mine says more than just a patients name and a date.

Your lines read “Patient seems distressed.” When you’re really thinking,

“She’s flippin' crazy!”

Well lady my words need no translation because here’s what I have to say,

Go…to…

And at the end of our session, your conclusion is the one thing we agree on,

I need to write.

Sometimes I feel like I’m driving on auto-pilot

And my soul is somewhere prancing through meadows watching streams flow,

Where we can fly with the birds

But the girl on auto-pilot only sees streams flow down her pillow

Artificial birds that fly on gas and burn and crash

Sometimes I feel like my wings are on fire but I don’t wanna’ cry in front of you!

I can’t take your criticism or your judgment.

I’d much rather sing through these pages and if my eyes hurt at least it’ll be because

Of the letters streaming off this page and not the tears running down my face

I need to write.

Because if there actually is something physically wrong with me,

It’s that my heart can’t find the strength to tell you I’m hurting

Because I’m afraid that not even your compassion and love can beat through these veins

And melt the ice that surrounds my organs

Believe I’m tired of being cold. I want to feel warm inside

But for now, I’m going to use what I know best, and write.