I never imagined

 never seen it , 

I never thought of it , 

I said it , 

I never meant it , 

I felt like that growing up , 

I never imagined that called , 

I never imagined me dropping tears for you , 

I never imagined me wishing I can take back my words ,

I never imagined my mother , 

I never imagined this pain , 

No you not gone , 

Just never imagined begin on this side , 

Never imagined losing sleep over you , 

Never imagined begging god for a miracle,

Never imagined asking god for forgiveness for all the harm I brought upon , 

Never imagined asking god to forgive for using such harmful words upon your name , 

Never imagined hating myself for the person I became cause of pain , 

Never imagined begging god to keep you hear long enough for us to have a bond , 

I just never thought , 

It just never cross my mind , 

I never gave it any thought , 

Yes I was stuck in my ways ,

Yes I’m still hurt , 

Yes I’m still angry , 

Yes I still betrayed , 

Yes I still feel left , 

Yes I still want to know your side ,

The truth that it , 

I willing to put my pride alside & be your daughter, 

I willing to be all and more lord please just give me that chance , 

I been begging all my life , 

But never gave it much thought , 

I cried many nights ,

But not as hard I have cried since may 11th 2021 , 

No I’m not proud of how I talk to you , 

I’m not proud at a lot of things , 

But will god by my side & the world as my witness I’m praying ,

I never imagined this pain becoming a nightmare,

I never imagined the true feeling of loneliness, 

I never imagined you not calling me , 

I never imagined you not leaving me no fucked up voice mail,

I never imagined all this pain that is apon me , 

I’m so confused, 

Hurt lost depressed sad angry,

All these different emotions,

I never imagined me , 

I never imagined me going though it in real life , 

I always felt it , 

But knew it wasn’t real , 

This a different pain I can’t quite explain it yet doe , 

I never imagined,