i sit awaiting the rain

i sit awaiting the rain

thunder is all it brings.

collecting clouds to clap on the

fragmented thoughts of images the sky has seen.

i’ve always been thoughtful

and taught to be grateful

i live to take another breath.

the sentence is so obtuse,

it almost holds me back.

i don’t tell every breath hurts.

it’s because it’s nothing they can see.

only i know the pain it holds,

it is only me who can feel. 

the rest i seal, behind the very smile 

no one seems to hear.

every night at 10:47

my ability to breathe is lost.

for its pace is uncontrollable

for then it is something that is lost

everytime i hear footsteps,

footsteps from behind.

my muscles tighten,

though they tighten without consent.

i’m reminded i shouldn’t have been out

i’m told, when i looked into space out in despair

i’d asked for it.

the daily torture you can’t escape

the fearful days you have to face

you sit alone

watching your happiness slowly decay

as soon as you’re home, you start to cry

not wanting to face any creature of any sort

each day is a repeat of this terrible trap, which inside you’re caught.