I Stay (Warning: Explicit)

How do I explain how feelings change, how strained this train of thought chugs along with nowhere to stop and drop this ticking bomb. The face of your clock can tell me nothing when I can’t look into its eyes. When I try, shivers have me on the floor unable to speak, you’d think that after all this time I’d be able to control them. I fear to venture back to what was never said Instead, I silently chug, blood dripping out my tongue. Biting down our friendship going Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick…. time’s up. You are a dick, you cock slapped my face and I turned the other cheek- too weak to understand that I didn’t deserve it. To naïve to believe it was anyone’s fault but my own. And in theory, I should hate you. Forget you, tear you down, destroy you. Lie for a lie Truth for a truth, heart for a heart Depart from this empty station in this empty town turned upside down by your words of fools gold. You are a dick Pretend you don’t have a clue All that I gave you, go a head, forget me, close your eyes, hold her hand Talk like you understand how everything works Swing it and jerk to the sound of your own mental impedance then call me when you feel empty. Or don’t. Either way I’m still here. When I should hate you. I stay though I want to say a series of two-word phrases back-to-back, line them up like dominoes and let them go. But I stay. For I see that the cock in your step hides the rock in your shoe. It’s stabbing at the soul- A pressure point you can’t ignore for more than one bowl at a time. You are a dick. I know that it is conscious; you’ve confessed this mess inside your chest. I’m convinced it helps you rest when you express that you already know. A low blow to your own Because you don’t believe in you Like I do. And in this tangled line of lies I can’t unwind there was one moment when I saw you cry… I cannot deny its honesty. And though I don’t know you like everyone else, I know you like no one else can. And so I stay.