I Think, Therefore I Will Cease to be

To have a fatigue settle on your bones, to believe that your fate is set in stone. To make the choice to be happy. We are not the soldiers in trenches, but rather the sad comrades sitting on hospital benches holding our invisible wounds. We are not denying the pain but rather seeing what we can gain from it. To see if there’s a way I can embrace something that could never be loved, while the tears running down my face, while doctors have but one ear open. The air wafts through the sterile rooms, hope  tinged with death on a nonexistent breeze.  This breeze continually blows, giving us chills even when its warm. Am I living life in the moment or am I simply terrified of what tomorrow will bring. There seems to be a plan that I had no hand in creating. It told me I would die in two months’ time. The ifs are no longer ifs but weakening whens. There was no negotiation, so how could I live not knowing the causation, why me? Why would we allow this to happen to anyone. It seems we are exhausting everything, fossil fuels, the earth and exhausting ourselves. Happiness is a renewable resource, the more you give back the more you receive. If you tap into that you are richer than any man who ever struck oil. If you can expand others capacity to love, then that is the greatest purpose of all. Happiness is a lifestyle, one that makes you smile while the rest of the world is breaking. To live every day like your last leaves no room for your past. The one that built you into the warrior you are, surrounded by other wounded soldiers who despite, the gray colored glasses, can still see a life worth living. Do people value their time with you more, once they know it is limited? They have to value their time with you even if you weren’t breaking from the inside out. We have to realize that no one lives forever, and that’s fine by me.