i think this is what helplessness feels like

“I’ve been having headaches lately, I’m not sure why.”

“It’s gotten really bad, I’m going in for a brain scan tomorrow”

“I have a brain tumor.”

“Neurocytoma in my right lateral ventricle.”

I’ve never been so terrified by words.

I’ve had people in my life with cancer,

and with diseases of the brain.

But not both, and neither were my age.

I’ve never been so thankful for an eleventh grade anatomy class.

I understand these words,

But they do not scare me any less.

A tumor the size of a golf ball

grows faster than expected.

It’s the size of a baseball without warning.

I am scared 

because this is my friend, 

this is not my battle 

I can’t fight it for him, 

all I can do is be there 

to listen 

and offer comfort 

but it never feels like enough. 

And here I am complaining 

while he is the one suffering.