I Thought I Loved You

Because I love you

My insecurities do not compare to yours

 I try to validate my thoughts and learn not to speak my mind

You have control over my life

Because I love you

Every night my thoughts wander to the tiniest mistake I could have made to upset you

I know I am not perfect and I appreciate the reminder

The unbearable pain in my lower region means you’ve proved your love for me

Because I think I love you

I am ok with having to remind you why you love me

I understand I can be a problem at times

Just please stop shouting I am a liability it’s making me feel

Well I don’t think I know how to feel anymore

I do not know if I love you

People are starting to notice the bruising

My family and friends are questioning if I’m Ok

Why can’t they see I’m happy?

Why can’t I find anything to reassure them I’m happy?

Because I loved you I no longer Know what love is

I finally found the courage to leave you

But I feel like you still won

I no longer understand feelings and trust

You took all of that with your luggage

I am empty and you are off somewhere being loved my someone new

I felt my happiness and purpose in life become I distant memory

Because I loved you

I  have grown a disguise built on anger and disgust with myself

Because you told me you loved me all my relationships stop after the first touch

Thank you for your time

I have decided love is something maybe not everyone can have myself included

Because I love you…that phrase doesn’t make much sense to me