I understand

I understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And food is a good thing.

It can be an instrument that brings people together .

One that creates a bond.

One that centers a sacrament.

Or initiated a conversation.

I understand that bulimia wasn't the answer.

That insecurity is not either.

That confidence is key.

But I need to make a change.

I don't like living in this world of too tight pants and always feeling tired.

I don't like having deeply flawed and irritable skin.

Lacking energy and confidence most of the time.

I do not like relying on any vices to make my day seem better.

Or not being able to say no.

I do not like being unproductive.

Feeling like my day has been wasted.

Knowing for certain that I could have made better use of my time.

I do not like doing things that distract me from my reality.

But rather, doing things that immerse me into the present moment.

I want to feel alive again.

An uncontainable energy in my muscles.

A strength in my bones.

Youth in my blood.

Creativity flooding the abyss that is my mind.

I want to feel adrenaline again.

Wind in my hair, power in my lungs.

I want to be mentally and emotionally and physically strong.

I understand that I'm not weak in most instances, I just do not want to feel that way anymore.

I want to not feel like I'm just surviving.

But rather, like I am living.

Life, to the fullest.