Like I used to

I wanna feel something,

And I know something is there

I remember faint glimpses

But i cant seem to recall

It wasnt an emotion

It was but a combination and convulsion of it

I wanna feel something,

I dont wanna feel pain though

I remember pain vividly, like a memory

A memory of people

A swarthing thought of anger and rage

It doesnt hurt me physically now

But it still hurts, curdling under the surface

I wanna feel something,

I dont wanna feel lonely

Loneliness is an emotion

The only one I can truly recall

It doesnt hurt, but it stings

I wasnt alone physically all the time,

The words they said, they made me feel alone

I wanna feel something,

I wanna feel the joy of being with someone

Of joking with friends,

Of even having friends

The joy of being happy, every once in awhile

But i can't, because the burden of hurting

It weighs upon my shoulders, like the world to the titan Atlas

Like a bullet to the head

Like happiness to me before i forgot

I wanna feel something,

Like I used to