I Used To Be

I Used to Be

By Ramiro Mendoza

I used to be the sad lonely kid who no one noticed,

The one who had no friends,

The one who smiled at you, 

But in reality, 

you couldn’t tell how empty I  was,

Empty like a jar of cookies when you’ve eaten the last one.

I used to be the kid who wanted to get stronger to be aesthetically pleasing, 

But I couldn’t lift a dumbbell to save my  life,

Not because I  was insanely weak,

But because I  was tired of constantly being reminded of how skinny I  was,

My mind was a prison locking me up for the better.

I used to be the kid who spent multiple hours gaming every single day,

Dreaming of being in my fake video game fantasy  worlds,

Wasting my life doing nothing when I could’ve done something productive,

Like read a book and learned some information,

But I  was frequently falling for false realities and didn’t know where to find help.

I used to be the kid who only listened and never said a word because I  was scared,

Scared of what others would think of my lisp,

Scared of what others would think of my stutter,

Not because I had already been bullied for it, 

But because I hadn’t embraced it yet,

I  was  weak and everything got to me easily.

I used to be the kid who hated going  to school, 

I believed everyone's eyes were judging me,

Criticizing what I  wore or what I looked like,

All I ever wished for was just to fit in and be like everyone else,

Why didn’t I just love myself for who I  was and not for what society wanted me to be?

I used to be the kid who hated losing,

Losing only made me question why I had worked so hard,

Was it for nothing,

Should I just quit or does everything happen for a reason?

I used to be scared of the ocean because it screamed at me to get back and stay away, 

It screamed at me because it knew I didn’t know how to swim, 

And I didn’t want to get inside the water because I was afraid I’d drown.

I  was scared of dying because I didn’t want to leave this amazing world,

The obstacles I faced helped  me become the person I am today.

If I don’t get over my fears,

How will anyone,

Anyone  ever know I exist!