I Wander, Perhaps Wonder-

I tried to show them my colors once,

the ones that are painted under my skin.

Ah, that’s lovely, they said

and they cast their eyes away.

I am still a small whisper to them,

nothing but a quick flitter, one flutter

of the pinned wing of a dying moth

and I cannot make them see

any differently.

I cannot make them see

that the silver rings on my fingers

are more than just rings.

They are ringlets of fire

and they burn, burn, burn

with every rising of the sun.

These words, all these words, they build

and build and keep on building.

But I cannot unlock my lips,

my lips that are cracked and bleeding from the pressure

of all the things broken within me.

How ironic-

For the key to release it all was never meant for me.

Simple, my thoughts are simple,

as if I am afraid that diving deeper

will dredge up possibilities I cannot handle

but only Drown with.

They say that fear is necessary to thrive,

because the world that we live in cries for simplicity

and for all wonders to be kept

deliberately in the shallows.

They say there is a time and place for everything

but I wish

that crying in public

was not something to be ashamed of.

I wish that it was socially acceptable

to rip open your chest

and let the fragments of your heart

spill out for the crowds to catch with their bare hands.

I wish that being vulnerable

was not directly linked

to being weak and

that happiness didn’t require you

to smile all the time.

I wish that we could all

live in each other’s dreams.

They did not believe me

when I said that I was a writer.

They told me that I was not good enough,

that I was slow and

that the world would swallow me whole.

I am, after all, only part of a nameless, shapeless horde

that is full of nameless, shapeless people.

Here I am-

I try to raise my hand but

I flicker in and out of my own existence.

I write because I cannot speak

and because agonizing stories demand telling.

I write to prove them wrong

and to make my colors shine through my skin.

I write to protect my soul; I write so I will not be forgotten.