I Want

I want to waste away, to disappear, and make all the noise in my head crease to exist.

I want to feel something again;

To feel happy

To feel excited

To feel angry

To feel sad

To feel anything, anything at all.

I want to wake up happy

I want to look forward to what the day brings, 

But I’m stuck, stuck staring at the ceiling;

Wondering if it’s worth getting up today

Wondering if it’s worth eating today

Wondering if its worth even to shed the tears being held in my eyes

Wondering if it’s worth breathing

Wondering if it’s worth to live.

I want to be normal

I want to have people think of me and think good thoughts

I don’t want to be alone anymore

I don’t want to be stuck staring at my phone, only for no one to remember I exist

I don’t want to be the last option

I don’t want to hate myself like this

I don’t want to feel lonely.

I want help 

But for so many years I have kept my mouth shut,

Never letting out the words that need to be said out,

I just look away

I just never let the words leave my lips

I just never show any expressions

I just keep my thoughts to myself

I just let myself waste away.

I want someone to see through the mask that I wear,

Would they even try to help?

Will they see the real me?

Will they give a hand?

Will they like the hidden me?

Will they stay, after seeing all the pieces?

Will they even care?