I Want To Get Better

I want to get better.

Can’t you see me trying to swim?

Just like everyone else.

I’m trying my best,

To bleed out less,

To lower the gun,

The noose,

The blade.

To smile more

And frown less.

I’m trying,

my very best.

But if I slip,

Please help

Help me swim

Help put a bandaid to my skin,

instead of a knife.

Help empty the barrel,

step down from the chair

lower the blade,

And smile

Because I have tried

And survived.

But why?