I Was Able To Get Out

A healthy relationship. It has so much meaning for me. I have spent my life in unhealthy relationships. My mom did the best she could to protect us. My step father was pure example of what to be afraid of. I remember. So growing up, I entered into the stages of liking boys and also remembering what it was like to be damaged already. Abusive relationships can do so much to you. There is years worth of stories of growing up in a dysfunctional family. I have always been so scared of not being able to break the cycle of abuse. I'm determined to get out. It's kind of like this prison the mind creates. I've been trapped for years.

In school, they don't tell you what anxiety is until you have a panic attack! They don't tell you why you're afraid when a grown man raises his voice. The main piece of information that they don't teach is how to recognize behaviors of abuse.

It's a ghost that's possessed your life. I will forever be stamped with "ways not to upset someone".

I am married now. I married my high school sweetheart. I love him so much. Before him, there were many who told me they loved me. Many who told me that I was only worth what was in my pants. That I wasn't possibly capable of individual thought because I was a girl. Like I said, I love my husband. He has helped me break these horrible cycles. We're building a life together. We talk about the future of having kids. He doesn't say things like, "Are you saying that I don't love you?" or "Strip for me because I love you". He loves me unconditionally and he understands what love and consent are. He says, I love you, with no ulterior motive. Healthy relationships are important to leading happy lives. Having a healthy relationship means the entire world to me. I finally was able to get out and work towards having a healthier mind.

So here's to living in a world with my prince charming, away from the monsters in my mind.