i was supose to sleep at 10

I write it a night that I was confused with everything, not depressed at life but just simply confused, because I’ve had a lot of stuff happen this year, and a lot of realization and a lot of time to think before my life does actually turn into reality and not this child’s life that I live in now, so I wrote it. And in the process of writing it I skipped my bed time thus calling it, I was suppose to sleep at 10.

Since I was a child

I was told my head was full of imagination

My favorite thing to do was to make up stories

I would tell countless  stories 

all in my head

Stories of the worship daughter

Stories of the confused daughter

And stories of the new son 

them usually ending 

With supposed happy endings

I'm still telling myself stories

All in my head 

Sometime so lost in thought

That I lose the realization of where I'm at

I'll go hours without realizing it

On a usual night 

I'll sit in my bed

Loosing minutes...

Loosing hours... 

Loosing days...

Reminiscing on how the day went 

Plucking out the good from the day

So I can actually hold onto it

And all the bullshit that I make up in my head

I'll make up new stories

About how perfect my day went 

And that usually involves adding you

You actually looking for me 

you actually talking to me 

and you actually acknowledging me

We'll have a real conversation

All in my head

we talk about the world

about how I think my life sucks

about how in reality its just me 

and how she says that 

she’ll always be their for me 

At least that's what happened last night 

I didn't sleep till one

to be honest not till 2 

My brain was too busy 

Inserting you in every instant it can

of my imaginary day

Where all is good 

and nothing is bad 

because the good days 

are the days 

where you admit 

that you actually love me

I’ve been day dreaming all day 

making up stories is still my favorite thing to do  

always all in my head 

because that’s the only time I’m with you.