I Will Always Remember

I will always remember grey granite cold stone, name engraved-spelling your name with my fingers as I rub through an eternity of memories. I will always remember behind black thick shades, fearing who will appear at this dead zone. A woman is weeping speaking into the wind placing a cross on her ownership of death and bones. I will always remember grey clouds, dead trees, green grass, and my breath in the wind. There was St. Anthony crooked in the ground not making any sound. I said my final good-bye, An American flag rattling in the wind; I stood there to silence all of the sin. I will always remember the cars driving in with people carrying flowers wondering about my final hours. A thorn forever by my side, I never really said a final good bye. The not wanting to leave- feet glued to the ground, I could not turn around. The promises of no return…walking backwards, the fear of letting you go-I had to though. I will always remember telling you I’m not afraid- I’m not to blame, while a bird sings on this dreary day. Here I stand looking at your name that was engraved so long ago. I’ve been scared all alone. A weed popping above your mound a yellow flower blooming, and the memory of your words I’ve let go of yesterday of old. I will always remember how it all came to an end. Three gun shots and the pedophile was dead. I was robbed from the chance to end this horror instead. I was forced into this silence again. The Catholic confession, the obsession, the drive to see you-finding you silent again, the silver picture frame with my words of confusion and despair could never repair the damage you left me with. I will always remember to walk, to stay, afraid to go away. How the fear of letting you go overwhelmed me so. I could not breathe, and I could not see, blinded by the years of my own misery and your pedophile dis-ease. How your place seemed abandoned to me, I want to run to be in the warmth of the sun. I will always remember what you’ve done. How I lived frozen as time moved on. A tear in my eye, the night before-I cried. I had to arrive with a final good-bye. I salute you, I dishonor you. I will always remember with these farewells, the real you…I will no longer mourn you You were a criminal running loose who held me by the neck with an emotional noose. Your murder released me. THE PICTURE YOU SEE ATTACHED TO THIS POEM WAS MY PEDOPHILE.