I will never understand why

You were too fucked up to answer me but you were always too fucked up why do you fuck yourself up you are so amazing without anything else inside of you why do you drink so much you say that you know who your real friends are when they see the real you, blackout drunk you, and they still love you but that is a bunch of bullshit real you is sober real you is the one that hides in the back corner of your brain when you’re drunk the one that says hey maybe you shouldn’t and you ignore him. Do you remember who held you when you were crying drunk sobbing telling stories about your parents about your life and how lost you were? (It was me) and do you even remember how I held you so close and I spoke to you with my heart I gave you my love and you wanted to make love because it would mean something and DO YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU stopped talking to me after that you couldn’t find time for me and I GAVE MYSELF to you I wasn’t expecting forever, (maybe you thought I was) I didn’t expect you to stay for good but I never expected you’d leave me they way you did after that God I should never have kept making love with you after the time I told you I was feeling things, girly things, and you said you felt nothing I felt your face buried in my neck and your body pumping oxytocin into my brain I never wanted to let you go but you forced me to pry my fingers loose even while you held them tight in the car telling me it was over it all was impossible you kissed my wet face and said you wanted to see me again before break was over but you’d understand if I didn’t want to see you HOW did you even have the guts to do that and I will never understand why.