I wish...

I wish I didn't hurt you. I wish I didn't. I wish I could look back on our memories and find the good ones. I wish they floated to the surface more readily than they do. I guess though, maybe that's what life is like with you. I'm not sure I want to keep living it that way or maybe I do because the thought of losing you hurts too. I wish I wasn't torn and I wish I knew that our love wasn't born out of convenience with a little lust too. If it is love though I'm not sure it matters how it was born as long as it was, but sometimes I feel like I'm just feeling a void for you much like you do for me too. It may be my cynicism or my shallow view but I wish that I was right for you, I wish I somehow knew. Instead I walk around like broken glass has been spread and I know I'll get a cut or two. I guess I'm hoping that after awhile I'll have enough scar tissue so the glass can't tear through, then I could walk a little flatter and a but more like myself. I wish I never had to say I'm sorry but that's never been the case with you. Since day one I've been apologizing for what I should and shouldn't do. It's like you strolled into my life and handed me the book of you but restricted me from ever opening it and expected me to know each chapter through. I can't know a book I've never read and that doesn't make sense to you, it only makes you mad so I guess I'm sorry for writing this too.