I Wish I Was Free

It is a terrible feeling. I force the blue pill down my throat. And look up to the ceiling. Its supposed to help me so I just leave it on that note. But I can't help to think my soul is peeling. Yeah I take anti depressants but why does that mean I can't take a vote for my own life and all that's concealing? Where can I take my stand around my heart and my love, who are locked in a castle separated by a mote? I found my answer of how to get there, where I am reaching. I have to cross with a boat. But can I rely on anyone or anything? I can't even rely on myself, I couldn't even find the fucking remote. And I just have to grow up and stop acting like a worthless being. But I didn't even get out of bed today I just sat here and wrote this story that I am conveying. But I as much as I hate this shadow that follows me around and hangs on me like a psychotic coat. I would be the person I am now or the person I want to become without the dark side forcing me to keep leaping. As much as I say or think I can't live with this weight that caused me to reread, rewrite, what I already rewrote. I will never be without this evil disease that is storming with in me and it is impossible to ever be without this side of me. I won't ever be, though I want to be free.