I wish I was good at math

I wish I was good at math
I wish I could succeed
I wish I could be the person
That you've always wanted to see me be
I wish I could prove to you
That I have what it takes
But proof is as real
As a smile on my face

I wish I had the grades
That could make you proud of me
I wish I could pay for college
And chase after all my dreams
I wish you didn't have to worry
About me failing at life

But most of all I wish
That you believed that I'm right
I wish I was good at math,
So I could solve this problem
I wish I was good with equations
So this wouldn't seem like so much to swallow

I wish I could give you a brighter hope
A better gamble with your money
But the payoff could be good
I'm not wanting you to gamble your future
I wish it didn't come down to that

I wish I was in control of my future
Because then I wouldn't be stuck on this path
I've made bad decisions
But those decisions made me who I am
I'm stubborn, mean, and cruel sometimes
But I'm still the only girl you have

And trust me, I'm willing
I'm doing a better job.
I'm going to be great someday
Whether you help me or not

I see myself with a calling
Somewhere better than here
But I can't stop the crying
That keeps me holding onto this fear

I wish that you'd believe in me
And give me a chance
Haven't I proved you wrong in the past?
When I want something, I go for it
When I don't, I let it slip by
But I want my career, mom
I want to be an adult
Not a freeloader child

I'm ready to grow up now
You cant clip my wings
You may control my future
But you don't control my wings

I wish I was good at chemistry
So I could apply math to my life
Make me a better person
So I don't feel tempted to give up the fight

I wish I was better,
But I know I will be better
And what is better?
What is normal?
What is achievement?
It's irrelevant.

I'm not
I'm a person
Not a gamble
I'm a person
Not a risk
Im a person
Who wishes
They were good at math

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