I wish i wasn't

I wish i wasn't poser at everything i did.  

I wish words could come to me and mentally touch my soul. 

I wish they could come to me and make me feel like i can unfold on the paper. Leaaning only on my debilitated pencil, trusting these deranged muddle thoughts of mine.

I'm lured to my emotions but deprived to my words

It's like the sensation you get when you are reminded of a lost feeling your body was once addicted to.

It's like the irritation you get when you can't remember what you should feel.