I Wish It Was Different Between Us

Dear Roselande,  

I wish it had been different between us

I wish we had the relationship that daughters have with their mothers

That one where we smile when we look at each other

I wish you were here to get me a new dress on my 6th birthday and tell me to twirl

I wish I had you by my side in this cold world

To hold my little face and remind me

That I am beautiful

I wish I could call you mommy,  

I wish I could look into your eyes

with love

I wish you showed me what a mother’s affection looks like

I wish the mornings were full of kisses

The afternoons

full of laughter

I always wanted you to take me on a trip

But instead you took me to a world of darkness

Where I never got to see you again

Left me down the street, with no warning

Confusion- What happened? Where did you go?

You could have been here to watch your little girl grow

In my teens years

I wish you were there to comfort me,

If I came home,

went straight to my room

crying,

ou would ask me what happened.

You would insist.

And when I refused,

you would bring me treat

and lay by me,

Telling me everything would be

Okay.  

Roselande, I will tell my daughter about you

When she’s telling me how her love ones disappoint her

I will remember your name and mumble it under my breath

And when she asks me what did I say

I will tell her that I know what it’s like not be loved by the closest person to your heart

I will tell her that I know what it’s like to feel so alone in this world

But the only difference between her and I

is that I will forever be by her side